10+ Oh $h!t, I'm In A Cult! Stories

Everyone has heard of the saying "Drink the Kool-Aid" but do you know where it comes from. Jim Jones is one of the most infamous cult leaders to ever exist. He had a massive following of people all of whom were so brainwashed that they moved from the US to Guyana and started "Jonestown." None of them had any idea they would eventually be forced into "suicide." Looking back on it you probably wonder, how could anyone fall for this crap? 

They say, you don't realize you're in a cult until you're already in one. For the people of Jonestown, some of them realized and tried to leave but the armed guards wouldn't let them.


Luckily, there are many people out there who did realize they were in a cult before it was too late.  

When they make it easy for you:

When they said I'm going to marry someone from Korea. When I said no, they said they already bought the plane tickets.
poopyheadthrowaway

"When the high lama snapped a crying toddler on the side of the head to get him to shut up, then demanded that children be kept out of earshot, a thousand yards away. Great compassion my ass.

(Not to mention he got drunk every night while he taught. Not to mention he said Westerners lacked the discernment to judge and choose their own teachers.)"

 tyinsf


Hey former member, we promise we just want to meet up for a movie...

Was accidentally in a religious cult. I would see how the pastor would treat non members and members that didn’t comply with what he wanted and I would think “I hope he doesn’t start acting this way towards me” he would berate people, gossip, expect us to stay at his house until late hours, forbid us to hang out with non members, and he even asked me to move in there when I already had my own place.

I noticed it was a cult when I told them I was hanging out with an old friend and they preceded to ask why was I doing that and that they were my friends.

I came to a service that following Sunday and the pastor sees me and says “I had a message I was going to preach, but I’m going to preach a different message today”

The whole service was pretty much him talking shit about me and making rude jokes. I knew this sermon was about me when he kept referencing the “person” hanging out with other people and saying it was sinful and of the world. I never felt so embarrassed in my life with everyone laughing at me. I sat that entire service just embarrassed.

Once I left, several of the members attempted to contact me with a few of them trying to “go to the movies” with me at midnight when they knew damn well the closest movie theatre was an hour away and what movie theatre shows movies at midnight.

After I stopped going to that church a few of the members completely stopped talking to me despite us being “friends” still can’t believe that happened to me.

Tito_Santana

Multi Level Marketing Cults...

My time with Primerica:

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- Weekly events that had long moments of clapping and loud music. Prevents thinking and conversation.

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- Big events with clapping, music, doing things like 'the wave'. Prevents thinking, conversation and encourages conforming

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- Several speeches from my upline about how we shouldn't spend our time with people who don't want to be apart of the company, including family and life long friends.

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- Planning on moving into the same community together that was referred to as the 'Primerica Estates'.

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- Parents had a halloween party planned the same night as my Primerica office's halloween party. I was chewed out for picking family over company

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- We traveled to events out of state. It was frowned upon for us to travel on our own. They wanted us to go on a bus or van together.

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- The idea that someone would be happier doing something other than Primerica? Comical. Surgeons, lawyers, military officers, scientists, all would be better off joining Primerica and giving up their jobs.

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- Doing something that wasn't Primerica related? You better be ready to explain yourself. One guy got chewed out in front of the office for going to his grandmother's 80th birthday party. I went out of state with my then wife to celebrate our anniversary required me explaining to those running the office about my actual dedication to the company, even though I was only gone for one fucking weekend. I even had to explain myself when I stayed home one Sunday to replace the brakes on my car. I was asked "How is that going to improve your business?" My answer was "I have to drive to people's homes to sell policies. I shouldn't have to explain how car maintenance is a business related thing."

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- Hobbies had to almost be company approved. If you're reading a book, it better be one to improve your business. Have a hobby that doesn't have any relation to Primerica? Drop it and focus more on Primerica. Sell your television if it's a distraction from your business. When it came to getting to the company event in Georgia, we were told that getting there is our highest priority. Sell anything you can if you can't afford to go (tickets alone were over $100), including televisions, video game consoles, computers, so on and so forth...

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- Kids weren't safe either. Those members who were dedicated 100% to the company who had kids, drug their kids to the office on nights and weekends. I saw kids the day after Christmas, with some of their new toys, playing at the table in our breakroom, fighting off boredom. One pair of parents had a kid who got a laser tag birthday party invite that was the same day as one of the big dull events where higher ups from out of state came in to speak to us in long dull speeches. The parents told their kid, nearly in tears as we were in line to enter the event room, that going to this event was more important than playing laser tag. He's a 10 year old kid, and he can't be a kid, has to follow this as what he will do for his life long career.

GreatJanitor

"I was young at the time so I didn't realize until after my family had left.

Looking back on it, the way the community practically worshipped the leader, hanging on his every word whether it was what they should name their new baby or what movies were evil and would bring the devil into their lives really should have tipped me off.

The biggest red flag I can't believe I didn't realize at the time was when he decided one of the kids in the community was possessed and needed an exorcism. That kid was me.

I won't bore you with the details but remembering that years later is what made me finally realize "holy fuck that was a cult"

"I used to practice kung fu at what was basically the most McDojo place ever. On top of all the usual money grabbing bullshit, the grand master changed his title to something like His Celestial Holiness and started getting his students to travel to the woods to build his temple.

Nope!"

"Heavens gate cult in the late 90s targeted me because I was obsessed with Star Trek. My best friend growing up, her family was part of it.

I spent almost two years with them Before I was brought to a meeting.  

When we went to the church it was just the house and it was nice but felt dirty. It took us over 3 hours to get to this “church” and it was just a house with folding chairs. Everyone was very nice and excited but they tried to make me pledge my lift to the cult. I was a very butch, short haired nerdy girl and I fit right into their weird sexlessness. A lot of them were gay and suppressing it. They put me with some older women who scared the fucking life out of me then they wheeled out this old tv on a cart and I saw applewoods video for the first time. I only went to one meeting because I would not pledge but they spent years trying to indoctrinate me.
 


It was fucking scary as hell. They all killed themselves a few years after. No one believed me for 16 years. That part fucked with me the most..."

Warning: To Avoid Injury, Don't Tell Me How To Do My Job

The most organized cult...

"Just left the Jehovah’s Witness “Religion” this year. Honestly what really did it for me was the fact that my entire life all the speeches and sermons started sounding identical. Insisting that the end was coming. I was raised as one so i just thought that it would have happened by now. I talked to an older friend of mine who also used to be in the cult and asked him “hey dude when u were young did they say the end was coming”? He answered that they’ve been preaching the same thing since the 60’s. I was denied of a regular childhood and they took away my teen years . I vowed when i left that I wouldn’t give that cult another day of my life ever again. My mom and her family have been super understanding and still talk to me as if nothing happened even though they still attend regularly."

"Mine wasn't a typical definition of a cult, but I realized Jehovah's Witnesses were pretty delusional by about 12-13 years old. Took me a few more years to get out due to my father being an Elder and someone who had no problem physically forcing his son to go to meetings and out in service (door knocking). Sounds like a corny fake scenario but it took me being "tough" enough to fight him off. Was asked to leave the house at 17 while still in Grade 12, so I did. I had a job and had an older friend to live with.

That's when I realized it was (in my opinion) a cult. That you would turn on your son because he didn't believe what you believe. That you would beat your son because he was being bullied at school at couldn't stand door knocking anymore in his own neighbourhood where he encountered classmates either at their homes, or as they were riding their bikes down the street on a sunny Saturday morning with me walking with my dad in a suit and tie with a briefcase full of maniac ravings about living forever."

Dad Tortures His Daughter With Dad Jokes Over Text Message for Years

Dad jokes get pretty corny sometimes and you can't help but love them. One dad appears to love them too much. Over the last few years, this dad has been texting dad jokes to his daughter and capturing her responses. I'm not sure which ones are funnier, the jokes or the daughter's replies. 

 

Restaurants That Refuse To Use Plates

When we go out to eat we expect our food to be served on a plate or at least in a plastic basket covered with wax paper. If it's a sandwich or a burger, I'll settle for it being wrapped up in some paper. Sometimes restaurants try to get fancy and serve their meals on cutting boards or sometimes they're just trying to be pretentious. (Keep in mind it can be dangerous to have your food served on wood as it can harbor bacteria if not sealed and cleaned properly.)



Here are some places that go over the top with how they serve their food.

Did you run out of plates? Don't worry, there is some leftover stationary in the back, just serve it on cardstock.

Taquitos...in a cigar box...the cigar place next door just went out of business.

Here's that side of sauce you asked for...in a light bulb.

Oh, we also serve our smoothies in a light bulb. It's how we recycle our old bulbs.

We let our bacon drip dry on this clothesline.

Yes, I'd love a burnt log between my food and my plate...

Here's your burger on a tree stump.

I love bits of wood in my nachos!

Why? Why would you serve anything in a shoe let alone Crocs?

Here are your chili fries. Yes, that's a shovel.

Coffee can cake...on wood.

It's literally served in a kitchen sink.

Sure, just serve my drink in your old rusted soup can.

We used to be a candy store now we use the scoops to serve our food. 

Hey boss, the recycling was never picked up...That's ok just serve the food on the old newspapers. 

Oh, we had some left over tile from the remodel.

A f**king wheel barrel?

 

Pro Revenge on an HOA He Doesn't Even Belong To...

If you haven't lived in a neighborhood or building with a Home Owner's Association (HOA), DON'T. As Forrest Gump would put it HOAs are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.

They're supposed to protect property values and keep people from letting their houses go to crap or prevent people from painting their houses say...Pink. I grew up living in one and my parents never had any problems. However, some people get on the board of an HOA and go on a power trip. 

The following story is about a guy who lived in a neighborhood with an HOA. The kicker is that his house wasn't built as part of the neighborhood and existed before the neighborhood was built. So, he wasn't subject to the rules of the HOA.
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"Many years ago I bought a house in a neighborhood with a very restrictive HOA, however the property I bought preexisted the HOA and was not included in the HOA or restricted in any way.

One of my neighbors seemed to take great offense at the fact that I was not a part of the HOA and did not have to abide by the overly restrictive rules.

From the time that I moved in to the house he started giving me grief. First it was HOA notices that I was under no obligation to follow. When that failed he began to harass me at every opportunity.

For months on end this guy would call in noise complainants anytime I had guests over, no party just guests. He also habitually called in code complainants, and generally harassed me and my family in many other ways. For months he made my life hell.

Finally one night while friends were visiting we got a knock at the door. It was a police officer responding to another noise complaint. WTF? we were just sitting around playing cards. This was the last straw. I decided to get him back.
I formulated a plan.

First you must understand that this was about 30 years ago, there were no cell phones in general use and the average citizen did not have access to the easy communications that we enjoy today, or my plan would have never worked. I have been into radio my whole life so my car and house were well equipped with two way radios. Next, it was fortuitous that my house was in a development that had only one road in or out. Also there was a convenience store on the corner that always had plenty of cars in the lot for me to blend in with.

We put our plan into action on a Friday night. We established an alibi with a close friend in town who would swear that we were at his house playing cards all night.
 
Next I opened the windows and placed my speakers for my sound system up in the windows facing my neighbors house.

We then cleared a hiding place in a closet with a clear view of the driveway. I then got in my car and drove to the store parking lot and found a spot that gave me a clear view of all cars entering or leaving the development.

Once we established that communications were good it was D-hour. My wife turned on the stereo to rock music at full volume rattling the neighborhood. Also every light in the hose went on. The music was so loud I could hear it at the store over half a mile away.

We waited....

Sure enough in about 30 minutes a police car turned into the development. I radioed my wife. Working together, she and her sister quickly turned off the stereo, pulled the speakers from and closed the windows, turned off the lights and then quickly hid in the closet.
 
The police arrived, pulled in the driveway and found an apparently empty and dark house. Windows closed, doors locked, curtains open, lights off, driveway empty. My wife and her sister sat silently in the closet while the officers knocked on doors, shined flashlights in windows, and walked completely around the house.

Eventually they decided the house was empty and left. I watched them exit the development and head back towards town.

We waited about thirty minutes and repeated the procedure. Windows open, speakers up, stereo on full blast, lights on. About 15 minutes passed before the police returned. Radioed my wife. Windows closed, speakers down, lights off. Once again the police went to my house.
 
They tried every door, and spent more time looking in the windows. They even sat in the car out front for about 20 minutes before leaving. About 15 minutes after they disappeared towards town. We repeated the whole procedure once again. This time it was less than 5 minutes before the police returned. This time they had their blue lights on. Oh crap!

The police pulled into my empty driveway, but immediately backed out and went to my jerk neighbor's house.

They were there for more than 30 minutes. My wife couldn't hear everything that was said but there was shouting and cursing.

Eventually the police left, my wife radioed me and I returned home.
Two days later my neighbor's name appeared in the local newspaper as having been charged with misuse of police resources, filing a false report or something like that. I don't remember the exact charges. Hey its been three decades ago.
But after that night I never received another complaint, visit from the city, or police as the result of him. And the other harassment stopped."

Guy Buys Bike From Crackhead at 3am and Finds Owner!!

If you're like me, every time you lock up your bike you think: "I hope it's here when I get back." People in larger cities can probably relate and know that bike theft is a big problem. The more expensive your bike the less you'd like it stolen. Although, the more expensive your bike the more out of place it will look with the person who stole it. Take this bike for example:

This triathlon bike was most likely cost a couple thousand dollars and isn't going to be used to commute to work or the store. It was stolen. Here is how it was returned to it's owner from a post on Reddit...

"Last night I was waiting for my Uber near the Marathon station on Parsons when a dude stumbled by with a Felt Triathlon bike. He asked if I wanted to buy a bike for $50 bucks.

Now, I try not to be the one to judge simply by appearance, but the fact that its mid winter, 3am, your tires are flat, and you are selling a $1200 plus bike for $50 doesn't make me believe your grandma gave the bike to you.

I recently had my bike stolen, so I know the frustration. I told him I would give him $60 if he waited for me to find an ATM. I paid the man and now I have this bike i'm trying to find the owner. I've contact a few people in the Cbus cycling community, had some close hits. So if you know anyone, point me in the right direction."

This story has a happy ending. The owner found the post on Reddit. 

I learned long ago that if anyone ever offers to sell me an expensive bike for a very low price, to buy it right away and go to the police. The chances of it being stolen are pretty high. I don't mind being out $50 to get someone's bike back to them.

Also, if you're in the market for a bike rack, I highly recommend one of these.

KUAT NV 2



THULE T2 Pro XT

Husband Throws Surprise Birthday Party For His Wife, Entire Family Finds Her Cheating Instead

A short while ago a Reddit user asked a pretty deep question to the rest of the Redditors on the web: “Redditors who’ve walked in on your partner or SO cheating, how did you react in that moment?” While we expected a bunch of answers saying “I broke their nose, I cried, I set fire to the entire room,” what we got was the ultimate revenge story of all time.


"Gather round boy and girls because its time for the story of my cheating ex-wife and how I fucked her. Now bare with me as this is a bit of a long one but fuck it. So I had a feeling she was cheating as she set off a lot of red flags. Constantly laughing and smiling when texting, saying it was just her mother when I asked. Needing to stay late every night after work. When I’d call in her co-workers said she left hours ago. When I asked her what was going on she’d laugh it off and say it was just something they did to each other at the office all the time.

 The last straw to where I knew something was definitely up was when she went out “to get milk” at 11:30 at night and didn’t come back till 2 in the morning. Now if there is any words of wisdom I can pass on to others in all my years of experience, its if you think your significant other is cheating, hire a fucking private investigator. They’re goddamn good at what they do and they will get some evidence that really helps in the later divorce.

Fast track to her birthday, several months down the road. Now I know what you’re thinking, why the hell did I wait months before I confronted her and did it really need to be on her birthday? The answer to the first question is I wanted as much evidence as possible to hand off to my lawyer as well as make arrangements to find a new place to live, etc. Answer to your second question is of course it had to be on her birthday. You see after asking her what she wanted to do on her birthday this year she was rather insisted on me going out of town with my friends as she just had to work anyways and didn’t want to be reminded she was ageing.

So I know something is up and after finding a bottle of champagne and two glasses hidden in my closest something in my snaps. So I do what any sensible man would have done. I leave and go to my friends house pretending like I am going out of town. While there I call up her mother, father, sister and several of her friends. I tell them how I want to give her a big surprise by sneaking into her room with party streamers, kazoos and a big cake with candles. Sounds fun right?! Well boy was it.


via GIPHY

Its 8:30 in the morning and I have everyone met just outside our apartment. We all pile in the elevator (about 8 of us in total), her mother holding the cake and me reminding everyone to be as quiet as they can be. My put my key in and unlock the door, we all sneak in and make our way down the hall towards the bedroom. Each hold a kazoo and Mom holding the cake grinning from ear to ear.




via GIPHY

Well as I throw open the door and we all yell surprise. But the surprise was on us and there was my wife, bent over in doggy style position with her lover staring at us wide eyed mid thrust. Mom drops the cake, sister screams, father begins to shout. I pretend like I’m horrified to which her friends try to push everyone out while yelling at her. Wife, excuse me, ex-wife is sobbing and screaming how could I while the lover is desperately trying to put his pants on while running out of the place. Needless to say, it was one of the best birthday presents I have ever given.

tl;dr: Gave ex-wife a kick ass birthday present.
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