2018 State Of The Union Drinking Game

President Trump is going to give his first ever State of the Union Address tonight. Given his track record on speeches, and going off script, this could be the craziest address ever. 

We all know that Trump likes saying everything is "Fake News" and likes to praise Russia and Putin so why not turn tonight into a drinking game...Being drunk will probably help get you through the entire thing.
Please drink responsibly and NEVER drink and drive...your dog won't understand why you didn't come home...your cat will likely rejoice so don't give that asshole the satisfaction.

Here are the rules: 

Take a sip if Trump says “Russia” or “China.”

Take a swig if Trump praises Putin.

Take a shot if Trump says something in Russian.

Take a shot if Trump says “fake news” or “collusion.”

Take a swig if Trump says “witch hunt.”

Take a shot if Trump names specific news outlets.

Take a sip if Trump claims things are “going great.”

Take a swig if Trump claims credit for something great he had nothing to do with.

Take a shot if Trump claims credit for something that hasn’t even happened, 

or that happened prior to his presidency.

Take a sip if Trump mentions the Democrats.

Take a swig if, at any point, Democrats stand to applaud.

Take a shot if Trump speaks kindly of Democrats.

Finish the bottle if Trump creates a new nickname for any Democrat during the speech.

Take a sip if Trump goes obviously off script. 

Take a swig if Trump makes “wise guy” type gestures with his hands.

Finish the bottle if Putin is actually in the audience.

Drink all the alcohol in your house if Kanye West interrupts and announces his plans to run in 2020. 

20 Twitter Stories Guaranteed to Make You Laugh Page 3

I was in Walgreens and a girl screamed out “this my third Walgreens who tf buying up all the plan b’s?!” 😭😭😭 y’all know I died in there. Like crying tears

— ole' razzle dazzle (@notnice_Jenn) January 1, 2018

today in class this guy I was sitting next to had a bag of carrots & the entire class he kept throwing them into his backpack. I asked him what he was doing & he was like "oh sorry do u want one? they're for Kent" and then just whips open his backpack to show his chinchilla Kent

— char (@charlottejorrey) December 4, 2017

Earlier today I went to a girl's highschool soccer game and there was a rough play where two players went to the ground. I guess one of them pulled the other's hair so she gets up and says "I liked it better when your bf pulled my hair" not even the ref knew what to do. I fainted

— Ricky Corona (@RickyCoronaa) December 30, 2017

just heard a drunk girl outside my house scream “I’m going to Jeff’s!” and like three friends simultaneously said “you are not going to Jeff’s” and honestly that’s the most relatable shit of all time

— triscuit (@kaspanky) December 21, 2017

So get this, two years ago in South Padre this girl let me log into her Spotify premium for a pregame and she still hasn't kicked me off it...modern day love story I hope you're doing well babe

— Mike (@CallMeTownes) November 25, 2017

My aunt got a google home for Xmas & she already has “Alexa”. This morning we were messing around with the google home and asked, “okay google what do you think of Alexa” and it answered “I like her blue light” and from across the room Alexa turned on and said “thanks”. im scared

— allison (@AllisonCalhoun1) December 25, 2017

I once tried to surprise my date by not telling her what restaurant we were going to. I accidentally picked the one she worked at. #WorstFirstDate

— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) January 10, 2018

20 Twitter Stories Guaranteed to Make You Laugh Page 2

I met someone today who worked for Triple A and I thought they said Chick-fil-A so after 15 min of talking, I asked what his specific job was and he said roadside assistance and I was like wow chick-fil-a is unmatched...then I asked how they make their sauce and then it got weird

— Josh (@yourejoshinme_) January 5, 2018

just saw an elderly woman shoplift at walgreens and she knew i saw her. she gave me a look like “are you going to snitch?” and i gave her a look like “ hell no, i ain’t no cop” and then we gave each other a look like “fuck the man” it was beautiful

— TRILLIONAIRE💰 (@maltyhops) January 11, 2018

There is a group of women getting on my flight and one has a shirt that says “just divorced” and the others have shirts that say “divorce support group” and they are all plastered. Those are the type of friends everyone needs in their life lmao

— Ashley (@a_pfeiffer13) January 6, 2018

So this girl I volunteer with showed me this video last week of her leg giving out during a HS dive competition and I now watch regularly when i need a laugh pic.twitter.com/UalGTUeb9C

— Lesley Goynes (@lesleygoynes) December 2, 2017

a girl passed out at the party im at and was out for a solid hour or so and then we started playing africa and she rose from the dead right in the middle of the chorus

— *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ (@satinmilk) January 1, 2018

My man just FaceTimed me drunk as hell eating a slice of pizza while walking down the street and he goes YOU WANNA KNOW HOW PERFECT YOU ARE? LOOK AT THIS PIZZA... FOR YOU, I’LL DROP THIS PIZZA. IT’S GONE! and just threw the damn pizza into the street

— Kelly (@kellyblaus) November 27, 2017

once we went to the dentist w my mom & it was just us and 1 other guy in the waiting room. jurassic park was starting on the tv so we sat and waited through the entire movie. no names called. as the credits rolled the other man got up and called my moms name. he was the DENTIST

— kitty ray (@kittaveli) December 24, 2017

This guy got on the bus and just stared at me and Lulabelle on my lap for a solid 30 seconds then goes “are you allowed to have dogs on the bus” and I just shrugged thinking he was gonna give me shit or something but then he pulls out a chihuahua out of nowhere

— alek🐌 (@mogvvai) November 14, 2017

20 Twitter Stories Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

When Twitter only allowed 140 characters it was hard to tell a story or get your point across. Now that they've doubled that number to 280 characters, we get these brilliant gems. 

My coworker told me he got banned from a bar when he lived in North Dakota back in 1973 and didn’t try going back to it for 30 years but he finally did and the moment he stepped in someone yelled “Get the hell out of here Dennis” And that’s probably my favorite story ever

— Brennan (@Bmangall20) December 13, 2017

13 years ago I ordered an m&m blizzard at Dairy Queen and the lady who took my order screamed “ONE SMALL M&M BLIZZARD!!!” at the top of her lungs then immediately turned around and started making it herself and it’s still the funniest thing that has ever happened to me

— hannah sorrell (@hannahkimberlee) December 8, 2017

In my 6th grade science class a girl read "orgasm" instead of "organism" and the class laughed & she was embarrassed. To calm her down our teacher told her everyone would forget in two weeks. It's been 9 years & I still remember Danielle. I fucking remember. I hope you see this. pic.twitter.com/gCXcXbJX2i

— wes (@sewkx) January 6, 2018

My roommate went on a bumble date and was nervous so decided to pound shots in her car once she got to the place they were meeting and the guy was parked next to her and watched her chug vodka for 5 minutes.

Dating is rough.

— Syd (@s_kerekes) December 21, 2017

one time I stumbled into Waffle House ridiculously drunk and the waitress gave me free food and water till I sobered up, made sure I wasn’t driving and that my friend would take me someplace I’d be safe. It’s not a Waffle House, issa Waffle Home. https://t.co/tQZaGUIUXd

— IT Bae (@ICVRUS) January 5, 2018

So they changed my gate in my layover and I ask the employee what the gate changed too. I showed her my screenshotted ticket and she looked at me strange and just ask me where I was going. I told her and then looked at my phone to realize I was actually showing her this pic.twitter.com/ZvfqV4p4yn

— Jordan ☀👀 (@TheRavenousDyke) December 29, 2017