Everyone knows the horror stories about flying. Getting dragged off the plane, crying babies, being stuck on the tarmac for hours. What most people fail to realize is that flight attendants are highly trained and are there in the event of emergency. Every LH flight attendant has slid down every slide of the plane types s/he flies on. Including the upstairs of a 747 - scary. There is also a huge, 6 meter deep pool near Frankfurt airport, where we trained with life rafts in cold, "rainy" (instructor turned a hose on us) and horribly wavy conditions. NOT as much fun as being in the wave pool as a kid. We have also all put out fires and evacuated each other from "burning" (dry ice) plane mockups. this is LOTS of fun, especially the bit where you shout the evacuation commands in each other's faces.
Serving drinks in like a side hustle.
Here we find out some disturbing secrets about what you might not realize about flying and what goes on behind the scenes.
- Lavatory doors can be opened from the outside by lifting the metal plate saying "lavatory" and pulling the pin under it.
- Both pilots may not eat the same meal, but they might be eating at the same time while the plane flies itself.
-There is a crash axe just laying around in the cabin. It'll split open your skull (not tested) but it won't actually get through the aircraft skin or windows. It’s to hack away panels and access the source of a fire (eg. If it was coming from the electrics in the window paneling etc)
- Often there will be a dead body in the cargo hold...from the axe if someone gets out of hand...just kidding. It's someone flying home a loved one who died in another state or in the military...There are also organs, blood are obvious ones but we also carry everything right up to Formula One car parts, exotic animals, marble tables, oversized televisions... everything.
- Everyone asks about the water and whether it's safe to drink... To clarify, the tanks ARE cleaned out but it depends on what you define as regularly. Ours go a maximum of a week before being scrubbed out. It's basic Health and Safety. Also our boilers have filters inbuilt before pouring tea or coffee.
- Do not ever walk into a toilet with bare feet. I promise you, 9 times out of 10, that is not water on the floor. Also please don't try and have sex in them, you are so obvious and it is filthy. The toilets are often absolutely disgusting and get deep cleaned only at the end of a route... For us this could be from one side of the world to the other... imagine how lovely they are at the end of a 12 hour flight with 200 people using them
- Never, ever, ever, EVER use or put anything in the seat pocket. They are cleared of rubbish but are never 'cleaned'. I have pulled out and seen all sorts been pulled out from there. Dirty tissues, sick bags, knickers, socks, peoples feet, gum, half sucked sweets, apple cores... and then next flight you go and put your phone/laptop/iPad in there.
- If you're flying short haul, definitely bring antibac wipes or sanitizer. A lot of airlines will have the crew 'turnaround' the plane meaning they pick up your rubbish, fold your seat belt over, file your magazines in the seat pocket and then welcome new passengers on board. I have lost count of the amount of times I have had to tell people how disgusting it is to change their baby on the tray table or in a seat.
- Take off and landing are the most dangerous times of flight. Try and sit as close to the door as possible. It's pretty obvious but they've done studies where your chance of survival dramatically decreases with every row you're away from the door.
- When a plane lands at night, cabin crews will dim the interior lights. Why? In the unlikely event that the plane landing goes badly and passengers need to evacuate, their eyes will already be adjusted to the darkness.
- Similarly, why window shades are to be opened. Because it allows you to see outside (in case of a crash) if there is a fire, and to allow rescue teams to see inside as well.
- Planes can fly with quite a bit of damage, and passengers won't be told about it. I had a cockpit windscreen crack on take off out of Brisbane once (heading back to the middle east), and we had to do an emergency landing in Singapore. Passengers started asking why we were only at 20,000ft and the moving map was showing another direction, it was awkward. The captain came on the PA and told them we were landing in Singapore due to a technical problem at top of descent. They never knew it was due to 2 of 3 layers of the cockpit windscreen being shattered.
- Shockingly, lining up in the aisle before the doors are opened does not save as much time as you might think.
- It is nearly impossible for turbulence to crash a plane (even the bad stuff). Turbulence is only dangerous because of things flying around the cabin and that includes people not wearing seat belts.
- There is a secret crew rest compartment up in back of a 747 and downstairs in the hold of an A340 / A330. Yes, we sleep there.
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