I met someone today who worked for Triple A and I thought they said Chick-fil-A so after 15 min of talking, I asked what his specific job was and he said roadside assistance and I was like wow chick-fil-a is unmatched...then I asked how they make their sauce and then it got weird— Josh (@yourejoshinme_) January 5, 2018
just saw an elderly woman shoplift at walgreens and she knew i saw her. she gave me a look like “are you going to snitch?” and i gave her a look like “ hell no, i ain’t no cop” and then we gave each other a look like “fuck the man” it was beautiful— TRILLIONAIRE💰 (@maltyhops) January 11, 2018
There is a group of women getting on my flight and one has a shirt that says “just divorced” and the others have shirts that say “divorce support group” and they are all plastered. Those are the type of friends everyone needs in their life lmao— Ashley (@a_pfeiffer13) January 6, 2018
So this girl I volunteer with showed me this video last week of her leg giving out during a HS dive competition and I now watch regularly when i need a laugh pic.twitter.com/UalGTUeb9C— Lesley Goynes (@lesleygoynes) December 2, 2017
a girl passed out at the party im at and was out for a solid hour or so and then we started playing africa and she rose from the dead right in the middle of the chorus— *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ (@satinmilk) January 1, 2018
My man just FaceTimed me drunk as hell eating a slice of pizza while walking down the street and he goes YOU WANNA KNOW HOW PERFECT YOU ARE? LOOK AT THIS PIZZA... FOR YOU, I’LL DROP THIS PIZZA. IT’S GONE! and just threw the damn pizza into the street— Kelly (@kellyblaus) November 27, 2017
once we went to the dentist w my mom & it was just us and 1 other guy in the waiting room. jurassic park was starting on the tv so we sat and waited through the entire movie. no names called. as the credits rolled the other man got up and called my moms name. he was the DENTIST— kitty ray (@kittaveli) December 24, 2017
This guy got on the bus and just stared at me and Lulabelle on my lap for a solid 30 seconds then goes “are you allowed to have dogs on the bus” and I just shrugged thinking he was gonna give me shit or something but then he pulls out a chihuahua out of nowhere— alek🐌 (@mogvvai) November 14, 2017
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