Thursday, December 13, 2018

Wrong Number - We Don't Sell Pizza Here!

With cell phones, this is becoming less common. Although, we've all done it at some point in our lives, called the wrong number. Almost all of the time people are understanding and we apologize and go on with our day. However, some people are unlucky and have a number one digit off from a number which is frequently called, such as a Pizza restaurant with delivery.

Here is a story about how one family caused a lot of problems for a pizza joint because they got tired of all the wrong numbers. 

"Strap in boys/girls this ones a doozy: We don't sell pizza, because you have the wrong number.

The end result of this story, which I will tell you upfront, is that we lost the ability to order from several local Pizza-Huts ...for lyfe...
Used to we had a phone number that was very similar to a Pizza-Hut, their number was (555)455-5575 and ours was (555)455-5515. Now these two numbers are commonly mixed up for obvious reasons. This was back before the days of cellphones and everyone having their own personal number, and we actually had to get a caller ID because of this.
For years we had this Pizza-Huts client base call our house (about 50/50 split sober/drunk) and order pizzas. The thing is people WILL NOT LISTEN when you tell them "Sorry wrong number" we would have drunk people call back 4-5 times and then begin screaming into the phone "I KNOW THIS IS A FUCKING PIZZAHUT YOU ASSHOLE!" or "GIVE ME THE NUMBER OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS."

This was pretty normal and the pizza hut was even aware of this and profusely apologized when we would call them. (Never giving us anything for free though, despite the massive inconvenience of the phone ringing off the hook.)
Well Pizza Hut Corporate then pays for an advertisement on paper, bill-board, and phone book. And guess what? They botched the number they put OUR number on the things for the phone number as one of the locations in our town for Pizza Huts pizza. Why? Because 1's and 7's are the same number apparently.
The phone calls we get FUCKING EXPLODES. It goes from like 3-5 phone calls a day to like 100-200. Initially we were directing people with a message that simply said "THIS IS NOT PIZZA HUT! THEIR NUMBER IS XXXXXXXX" It didn't end. We would get calls with people screaming into the voice recording "I WANT A FUCKING PIZZA THIS IS BULLSHIT I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER DOESN'T ANSWER THIS FUCKING PHONE!" (Aren't boomers great? We got that shit all the time from older people.) I cannot tell you how many times I've been told to kill myself for trying to direct someone to the correct place, and for some FUCKING reason no one EVER listens.
Well upon this happening my Dad calls into the pizza hut and says "look, all we want is to not have to change our number. If you guys will PLEASE change yours, or pay for ours to be changed (it was like a 10 dollar convince fee or some shit.) we will stop getting your damned phone calls." The manager cussed my Dad, who had him on speaker phone, calling him shit load of names and for "getting him bad reviews" as well as losing customers to his branch, which is locally owned. What a fucking joke. Its costing their business a solid 10 grand EASY over a phone number why not JUST CHANGE IT? IDK.
My Dad looks at the phone, hangs up and says "Ok asshole, you want to be like that about it?"
My dad then instructs My 17 year old self (and my sister) to take all calls from now on. If it rings pick it up, take the order, and say "Ok your pizza should be there in (1.5 hours)" Then when they call back to tell them "Sorry the driver just left." and if they call back a third time say "Well I can get you on the phone with my manager but hes probably going to kick your ass if you keep complaining." And then switch the phone with someone else and have them say "Listen here bitch, you aren't getting your pizza and we are keeping your money, fucking get over it."
Or something along those lines anyway.
Two weeks pass and my Dad tries to get said Pizza Hut to change our number for free. Never pointing out that they fucked up their ad, as apparently they were completely oblivious to this fact. Again the manager screams at my Dad saying "I don't have the money to change your fucking number!" We even tried calling OTHER pizza huts to get the issue resolved, and their corporate with no real luck. Fair enough, its game on time now bitch why? For two reasons 1. My dad got a phone with a transfer button and 2. Because summer was rolling around, and me and my sister loved fucking with people over this. It was a really bad influence on us tbh.
We fielded phone calls every day all day long, we had friends come over and they loved partaking in the same thing. We had a general plan:
  1. Every other call would get a pizza "delivery"
  2. On the other calls we would get them really pissed off talking shit to them and saying "Ok do you want to speak with my manager?" And just cold transfer them to the pizza hut.
It took 6 more weeks of us doing this, and the pizza hut closed. A few weeks before they closed we got a phone call from pizza hut corporate who more or less threatened us with a cease and desist sounded like they didn't really understand what was actually happening as it accused us of "stealing their phone calls." LMFAO. We called their corporate and explained what was going on, and even played our recordings of talking with them before about the issue and ignoring us. All they said is "You had better stop! This is ILLEGAL!" over and over. We didn't stop. They were aware of what was going on and didn't want to do anything about it because to fix their FUBAR.
A few weeks after the owner lost his job he called our house and was trying to argue with my Dad about how "bad of a person he was because I lost money, and got my ass beat several times." ...apparently we had pissed a few people off so bad they actually went in and attacked him and other staff... To this day it cracks me up that a company can be so oblivious, and is the single reason I don't believe we live in anything close to a "Meritocracy" anyone in this position who has any merit would instantly change the number, but not a corporation who has money to sue, and not a middle manager who has an ego problem."

posted by u/MundaneSeesaw


Monday, December 10, 2018

Baby It's Cold Outside, Is NOT a Song About Rape

This song has been the center of controversy for the past few years around Christmas time. It is a duet written by Frank Loesser in 1944. The song is famous for it's appearance in the 1949 movie Neptune's Daughter. 

This year, the song has been frozen out because of political correctness outrage due to an ignorance of what the lyrics actually meant at the time of the recording. 

"This #MeToo-era-cum-yuletide-season, radio stations are pulling the plug on that holiday earworm with lyrics that, to some, ring date-rape warning bells, rather than evoking innocent snow-bound flirtation."

A feminist defense of the lyrics points out that when they were written a woman with a good reputation had to protest a man's advances, even if she actually welcomed them, and the song's figurative woman is actually expressing her sexuality in a veiled era-appropriate way:

"It’s time to bring an end to the Rape Anthem Masquerading As Christmas Carol"
Hi there! Former English nerd/teacher here. Also a big fan of jazz of the 30s and 40s. 
So. Here’s the thing. Given a cursory glance and applying today’s worldview to the song, yes, you’re right, it absolutely *sounds* like a rape anthem. 
BUT! Let’s look closer! 
“Hey what’s in this drink” was a stock joke at the time, and the punchline was invariably that there’s actually pretty much nothing in the drink, not even a significant amount of alcohol.
See, this woman is staying late, unchaperoned, at a dude’s house. In the 1940’s, that’s the kind of thing Good Girls aren’t supposed to do — and she wants people to think she’s a good girl. The woman in the song says outright, multiple times, that what other people will think of her staying is what she’s really concerned about: “the neighbors might think,” “my maiden aunt’s mind is vicious,” “there’s bound to be talk tomorrow.” But she’s having a really good time, and she wants to stay, and so she is excusing her uncharacteristically bold behavior (either to the guy or to herself) by blaming it on the drink — unaware that the drink is actually really weak, maybe not even alcoholic at all. That’s the joke. That is the standard joke that’s going on when a woman in media from the early-to-mid 20th century says “hey, what’s in this drink?” It is not a joke about how she’s drunk and about to be raped. It’s a joke about how she’s perfectly sober and about to have awesome consensual sex and use the drink for plausible deniability because she’s living in a society where women aren’t supposed to have sexual agency.
Basically, the song only makes sense in the context of a society in which women are expected to reject men’s advances whether they actually want to or not, and therefore it’s normal and expected for a lady’s gentleman companion to pressure her despite her protests, because he knows she would have to say that whether or not she meant it, and if she really wants to stay she won’t be able to justify doing so unless he offers her an excuse other than “I’m staying because I want to.” (That’s the main theme of the man’s lines in the song, suggesting excuses she can use when people ask later why she spent the night at his house: it was so cold out, there were no cabs available, he simply insisted because he was concerned about my safety in such awful weather, it was perfectly innocent and definitely not about sex at all!) In this particular case, he’s pretty clearly right, because the woman has a voice, and she’s using it to give all the culturally-understood signals that she actually does want to stay but can’t say so. She states explicitly that she’s resisting because she’s supposed to, not because she wants to: “I ought to say no no no…” She states explicitly that she’s just putting up a token resistance so she’ll be able to claim later that she did what’s expected of a decent woman in this situation: “at least I’m gonna say that I tried.” And at the end of the song they’re singing together, in harmony, because they’re both on the same page and they have been all along.
So it’s not actually a song about rape - in fact it’s a song about a woman finding a way to exercise sexual agency in a patriarchal society designed to stop her from doing so. But it’s also, at the same time, one of the best illustrations of rape culture that pop culture has ever produced. It’s a song about a society where women aren’t allowed to say yes…which happens to mean it’s also a society where women don’t have a clear and unambiguous way to say no."

This, taking things out of context and trying to have them banned or get people fired needs to stop. 

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

10+ Oh $h!t, I'm In A Cult! Stories

Everyone has heard of the saying "Drink the Kool-Aid" but do you know where it comes from. Jim Jones is one of the most infamous cult leaders to ever exist. He had a massive following of people all of whom were so brainwashed that they moved from the US to Guyana and started "Jonestown." None of them had any idea they would eventually be forced into "suicide." Looking back on it you probably wonder, how could anyone fall for this crap? 

They say, you don't realize you're in a cult until you're already in one. For the people of Jonestown, some of them realized and tried to leave but the armed guards wouldn't let them.

Luckily, there are many people out there who did realize they were in a cult before it was too late.  

When they make it easy for you:

When they said I'm going to marry someone from Korea. When I said no, they said they already bought the plane tickets.

"When the high lama snapped a crying toddler on the side of the head to get him to shut up, then demanded that children be kept out of earshot, a thousand yards away. Great compassion my ass.
(Not to mention he got drunk every night while he taught. Not to mention he said Westerners lacked the discernment to judge and choose their own teachers.)"

Hey former member, we promise we just want to meet up for a movie...

Was accidentally in a religious cult. I would see how the pastor would treat non members and members that didn’t comply with what he wanted and I would think “I hope he doesn’t start acting this way towards me” he would berate people, gossip, expect us to stay at his house until late hours, forbid us to hang out with non members, and he even asked me to move in there when I already had my own place.
I noticed it was a cult when I told them I was hanging out with an old friend and they preceded to ask why was I doing that and that they were my friends.
I came to a service that following Sunday and the pastor sees me and says “I had a message I was going to preach, but I’m going to preach a different message today”
The whole service was pretty much him talking shit about me and making rude jokes. I knew this sermon was about me when he kept referencing the “person” hanging out with other people and saying it was sinful and of the world. I never felt so embarrassed in my life with everyone laughing at me. I sat that entire service just embarrassed.
Once I left, several of the members attempted to contact me with a few of them trying to “go to the movies” with me at midnight when they knew damn well the closest movie theatre was an hour away and what movie theatre shows movies at midnight.
After I stopped going to that church a few of the members completely stopped talking to me despite us being “friends” still can’t believe that happened to me.

Multi Level Marketing Cults...

My time with Primerica:
- Weekly events that had long moments of clapping and loud music. Prevents thinking and conversation.
- Big events with clapping, music, doing things like 'the wave'. Prevents thinking, conversation and encourages conforming
- Several speeches from my upline about how we shouldn't spend our time with people who don't want to be apart of the company, including family and life long friends.
- Planning on moving into the same community together that was referred to as the 'Primerica Estates'.
- Parents had a halloween party planned the same night as my Primerica office's halloween party. I was chewed out for picking family over company
- We traveled to events out of state. It was frowned upon for us to travel on our own. They wanted us to go on a bus or van together.
- The idea that someone would be happier doing something other than Primerica? Comical. Surgeons, lawyers, military officers, scientists, all would be better off joining Primerica and giving up their jobs.
- Doing something that wasn't Primerica related? You better be ready to explain yourself. One guy got chewed out in front of the office for going to his grandmother's 80th birthday party. I went out of state with my then wife to celebrate our anniversary required me explaining to those running the office about my actual dedication to the company, even though I was only gone for one fucking weekend. I even had to explain myself when I stayed home one Sunday to replace the brakes on my car. I was asked "How is that going to improve your business?" My answer was "I have to drive to people's homes to sell policies. I shouldn't have to explain how car maintenance is a business related thing."
- Hobbies had to almost be company approved. If you're reading a book, it better be one to improve your business. Have a hobby that doesn't have any relation to Primerica? Drop it and focus more on Primerica. Sell your television if it's a distraction from your business. When it came to getting to the company event in Georgia, we were told that getting there is our highest priority. Sell anything you can if you can't afford to go (tickets alone were over $100), including televisions, video game consoles, computers, so on and so forth...
- Kids weren't safe either. Those members who were dedicated 100% to the company who had kids, drug their kids to the office on nights and weekends. I saw kids the day after Christmas, with some of their new toys, playing at the table in our breakroom, fighting off boredom. One pair of parents had a kid who got a laser tag birthday party invite that was the same day as one of the big dull events where higher ups from out of state came in to speak to us in long dull speeches. The parents told their kid, nearly in tears as we were in line to enter the event room, that going to this event was more important than playing laser tag. He's a 10 year old kid, and he can't be a kid, has to follow this as what he will do for his life long career.

"I was young at the time so I didn't realize until after my family had left.
Looking back on it, the way the community practically worshipped the leader, hanging on his every word whether it was what they should name their new baby or what movies were evil and would bring the devil into their lives really should have tipped me off.
The biggest red flag I can't believe I didn't realize at the time was when he decided one of the kids in the community was possessed and needed an exorcism. That kid was me.
I won't bore you with the details but remembering that years later is what made me finally realize "holy fuck that was a cult"

"I used to practice kung fu at what was basically the most McDojo place ever. On top of all the usual money grabbing bullshit, the grand master changed his title to something like His Celestial Holiness and started getting his students to travel to the woods to build his temple.

"Heavens gate cult in the late 90s targeted me because I was obsessed with Star Trek. My best friend growing up, her family was part of it.

I spent almost two years with them Before I was brought to a meeting.  

When we went to the church it was just the house and it was nice but felt dirty. It took us over 3 hours to get to this “church” and it was just a house with folding chairs. Everyone was very nice and excited but they tried to make me pledge my lift to the cult. I was a very butch, short haired nerdy girl and I fit right into their weird sexlessness. A lot of them were gay and suppressing it. They put me with some older women who scared the fucking life out of me then they wheeled out this old tv on a cart and I saw applewoods video for the first time. I only went to one meeting because I would not pledge but they spent years trying to indoctrinate me.

It was fucking scary as hell. They all killed themselves a few years after. No one believed me for 16 years. That part fucked with me the most..."

The most organized cult...

"Just left the Jehovah’s Witness “Religion” this year. Honestly what really did it for me was the fact that my entire life all the speeches and sermons started sounding identical. Insisting that the end was coming. I was raised as one so i just thought that it would have happened by now. I talked to an older friend of mine who also used to be in the cult and asked him “hey dude when u were young did they say the end was coming”? He answered that they’ve been preaching the same thing since the 60’s. I was denied of a regular childhood and they took away my teen years . I vowed when i left that I wouldn’t give that cult another day of my life ever again. My mom and her family have been super understanding and still talk to me as if nothing happened even though they still attend regularly."

"Mine wasn't a typical definition of a cult, but I realized Jehovah's Witnesses were pretty delusional by about 12-13 years old. Took me a few more years to get out due to my father being an Elder and someone who had no problem physically forcing his son to go to meetings and out in service (door knocking). Sounds like a corny fake scenario but it took me being "tough" enough to fight him off. Was asked to leave the house at 17 while still in Grade 12, so I did. I had a job and had an older friend to live with.
That's when I realized it was (in my opinion) a cult. That you would turn on your son because he didn't believe what you believe. That you would beat your son because he was being bullied at school at couldn't stand door knocking anymore in his own neighbourhood where he encountered classmates either at their homes, or as they were riding their bikes down the street on a sunny Saturday morning with me walking with my dad in a suit and tie with a briefcase full of maniac ravings about living forever."

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

10+ of the Most Suspiciously Used Quotation Marks

Wait, I don't get it, are you tell me to do this or not to do this? Are you being "sarcastic"? So, is it free? Do I need to pay?

I can't tell!!!

1. Oh yeah, my kid is "great"

2. Why yes officer, I'm definitely "21". 

3. Ma'am I'm sorry your kid got hurt but we said it was "safe" not safe. 

4. Not really, she cheated, wtf is that thing?



5. Soooo...."steal" them?

6. Penn State Press? "Officer" Sandusky?  Yeah, Timmy will definitely "not" be molested in the locker room.

7. It's poop, it's definitely poop

 8. We all know you slept with the boss...

9. What?

10. Yeah, take one, nothing bad will happen

11. So is this a, I can't believe it's not Butter, knockoff? Like fake, imitation butter.

12. What are you trying to tell me mom?

13. 90% sure they're going to steal my stuff Wine Barrel Stave Bottle & Glass Holder


Shameless YouTube Video Plug

Mini Cornhole




Friday, September 14, 2018

20+ of the Most Creative Elevators

I used to know a guy who sold elevators for the elevator manufacturer Otis. I always used to joke that his job must be so easy...."Hey, I see this building you're constructing has more than one floor. Want an elevator for it?"

Elevators are generally boring. Sometimes it seems like you're waiting forever for them to arrive. When they get there, you have to stand in a plain box with, yes, you guessed it, elevator music. Luckily there are some building designers out there who recognize the potential of this tiny room and get creative as they would with anything else. 

#1 The Elevator Ride At The World Trade Center Tour Shows You The Architectural History Of New York

#2 When this Elevator Is Out Of Service

#3 This Clever Poster Placement

#4 This Elevator With an "I've fallen and I can't get up" Alarm Button Near the Floor.

#5 Hand Full? This Elevator Has Buttons You Can Kick

#6 Elevator lets you know how many cats you can safely have in the elevator

#7 Aquarium Elevator In Berlin, Germany

#8 Winter Wonderland Inside Of An Elevator

#9 This Centre For Long Term Ill Elders Redesigned Their Elevators To Create Less Anxiety And Avoid Patients Running Away


#10 Dr. Who Themed Elevator

#11 When it closes...

#12 This Elevator Shows How Close To Capacity It Is Based On The Weight Of The Riders

#13 The Elevators In My Office Building Have An Umbrella Sign That Lights Up If It's Raining Outside

#14 This Elevator Has A Call Button 30 Ft Away So The Doors Will Be Open By The Time You Get To Them.

#15 The Colorful Button Panel On The Elevators Of Our Children’s Hospital

#16 My Hotel In Odessa (Ukraine) Tells You Which Day It Is By Changing The Elevator Carpet Every Day

#17 Fancy Elevator With Seats Inside

#18 Elevator Reminds You To Not Be Lazy

#19 Don't Look Down

#20 Steam Powered Elevator, St Petersburg, Russia


#21 Now That's One Ingenious And Well-Placed Movie Poster

#22 And You Thought You'd Never Need Math

#23 The Twilight Zone In East Hotel Elevator

#24 It'll Pick a Random Floor For You

#25 RIP