Friday, February 16, 2018

Red Stripe Beer Company Rescues Jamaican Bobsleigh Team

The coach of the women's Jamaican bobsleigh team wasn't feeling the rhythm threw a fit and left with the teams sled, leaving them unable to compete. 

This all happened days before the women were scheduled to compete in the winter Olympics in Pyeongchang

Amazingly, Red Stripe, the Jamaican beer company, stepped in to save the day by buying the team a new sled. 

In a comment below the original tweet, the Jamaican team accepted the offer.
Later speaking to the Gleaner, JBSF president Chris stokes said: “We have been gifted a bobsled from Red Stripe. We have accepted their generosity and we are currently preparing the sled.
“The team is in competition mode and we are focused on one goal – coming to the start line prepared mentally and physically. We have had some challenges in Pyeongchang, but we stand united and thank our fans and colleagues for their unwavering support”.
A new sled will reportedly set the beer company back £5,000.
Former coach Kiriasis quit her position after refusing to change roles from driving coach to track performance analyst, which she said would have given her no access to the athletes.
She told media in Pyeongchang: “The athletes have told me they don’t understand why this has happened as they have no problem with me and we have a good relationship”.

Get on up, it's bobsled time!

Life Hacks - ReUse a Yoga Mat

  1. Use cookie cutters to cut the mat into holiday ornaments
  2. Cut down for placemats for pet dishes. Keeps the area neat while also prevents the dishes from sliding around
  3. Clean the mat well and use it to line kitchen shelves
  4. Use the mat to smother weeds in your garden.
  5. Instead of buying a rug pad, use an old yoga mat (or two) to keep your rug in place. Rug pads also make vacuuming your rug easier.
  6. Instead of packing peanuts, wrap pieces of a yoga mat around your valuables.
  7. Strips of old yoga mat make colourful stair treads.
  8. Use a piece as a welcome mat outside a kitty litter box. The mat's stickiness grabs the litter off paws preventing it from spreading throughout the rest of the house and protects kitty's paws as well
  9. Cut into rounds and use as coasters
  10. Cut a piece to use as a sunshade in your parked car when it gets really hot
For another 40 ideas, click here.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

BrideZilla Stories

Relax on your wedding day, if it doesn't go perfect don't sweat it, you'll still have a good time.

Pro Tip: Have your wedding at the Ritz Carlton like I did. NOTHING, I mean NOTHING will go wrong unless it's your own fault...

-Oh, you have food allergies, let me get 3 chefs to come talk to your about our food.
-As soon as the groom walks into the building: "Sir let me take those up to your room for you."
-Jokingly say you should have two giant throne like chairs at your little sweetheart table...goes out of the way to find two of the biggest fucking chairs in the hotel and puts them at the table.
-There are 2 little kids at your wedding, boom chicken fingers served without anyone even asking.
-If you didn't have time for cake, here are 4 pieces and a bottle of champagne on a tray in your room.

Anyway here are the stories of brides acting badly.

"Florist- We had a bride and her mother show up at 9am. They wanted to order a bridal bouquet, a mother of the bride cattelya orchid corsage, a boutonniere for the groom, and six smaller ones for the groomsmen. The wedding was scheduled for noon. Yep, three hours from then, and they wanted them ready by the time they were done with thier makeup appointment at the beauty parlor a few doors down. The bride was flipping through the FTD sample book and pointing out the style and flowers she wanted. Think garden roses with long sweeping trails of stephanotis and variegated ivy, all three of which would require at least a week's advanced order with our suppliers. She was absolutely gobsmacked that we didn't carry extremely expensive and highly perishable flowers at all times. Same with the catteleya orchid for the mom's corsage. My boss told them that since they didn't place an order beforehand they would be limited to what we had in stock, and simple styles that could be assembled quickly. The bride and her mom kept pointing at the book and arguing that we should have those specific flowers in stock. My boss eventually took the book off the desk and tossed it behind the counter.
The bride vacillated between tears and petulant whining that we were going to ruin her big day. My boss, who had a bone deep loathing for brides in general, told her she had ruined her own day by not ordering her flowers before her actual wedding day. The mom tried chewing out my boss for her lack of customer service skills. My boss told her that she was welcome to go down the street to Vons and ask their flower department to make their order with whatever they had in stock. The mom said she'd do just that, and reassured the bride that she'd have her flowers done by the time her appointment was over. Both women stormed out.
I figured that was that, but my boss told me and the other girl to start on six simple dendrobium orchid bouts. Meanwhile she threw together a ribbon wrapped bridal bouquet with some white roses that were nearly past their prime and some more dendros. Sure enough, twenty minutes later the MoB slunk back in and meekly asked if we were still able to assemble what they needed. We did. We also charged her a very large bitch tax- ahem, rush fee."

"My mom and I saw a great bridezilla freak out while shopping for my wedding dress a few years back. We were in a small, local shop when another mother-daughter duo came in. The attendant who had been helping us went up to greet them. The mother said they were here to pick up her daughter's dress, so the attendant looks her name up in the computer, frowns, and says, "Ma'am, you never bought the dress."
"What are you talking about?"
The attendant shows the lady the notes on her computer screen. "You said you wanted to think about it, and asked if we could hold the dress. We held it for two weeks, but when we didn't hear back from you, we assumed you didn't want it."
"Well, we want it now."
"It's been over eight months", the attendant explained, "We sold the dress a long time ago. But I can order you another one, and have it expedited here in a few weeks."
And like a Mt. St. Helens of entitlement, the eruption began. "This is unacceptable!" The mother shrieked. "We have her alterations scheduled in two hours! The wedding is a week away! I can't believe you sold her dress!" The bride, meanwhile, is slumped against the desk and sobbing like someone killed her dog.
My mom and I are just open-mouthed staring at this point. The attendant was trying to be diplomatic, but is clearly as baffled as we are. "Ma'am, we had no way to know you wanted it. You never called. You never put down a deposit. The dress isn't yours until you pay for it."
After some more screaming from the mother and wailing from the bride, they left. The shop attendant came back over to us and I asked her, "Does that kind of thing happen a lot?"
The poor lady just deflated. "All the time."
It baffles me to this day. How do you schedule alterations on a dress that you never purchased? Why would you wait until a week before the wedding to pick up your dress? How do you make it to adulthood without knowing how basic buying and selling transactions work?"

"I worked at David’s Bridal and I have to say that I never really had a terrible bride. It was always the moms, grandmas, sisters and friends that were terrible. Either they hated what the bride would pick out for them to wear or they would hate what she was picking out for herself to wear. At DB we have kinda strict appointment guidelines when it comes to time and a lot of brides that would bring entourages wouldn’t find a dress because everyone would bombard her with their opinions and overwhelm them.
The worst thing I’ve ever witnessed was when a bride that always struggled with her weight came in. She was overweight and had been working extremely hard on it over the last year. It was a slower day and we all loved her story and wanted to make that day special so we all decided to help. She finally found a dress that she loved and she started crying along with most of us. Then she looked at her mom and asked for her opinion and her mom looked at her and said “you look fat in it”. We all stood there in silence and the bride lost her happiness. She asked to be assisted in taking it off and they left.
It was one of the saddest days that I had experienced there."

"I worked at a mom/pop shop. We had a bride who was polish, who my boss called 'polish princess', she wasn't my bride but they picked a very bad consultant for her. Made worse by the fact that this girl wanted stuff added to her dress that wasnt done by the manufacture so we had to do it all in house. To give you an example, she wanted lights, those tube lights? I think that's what they are called, all around the bottom half of a dress that we had already spliced with two different dresses.
Side note: my boss loved anything that meant money.
Anywho, we spent months fixing and refitting this dress because she not only lost 45lbs from her first time being measured, which brought her 4 dress sizes less than her original, she also got a massive boob job, bruskia. Well, after finally fitting her into her gown, on the last week she decided the lights that took our poor 70 year old seamstress two months to sew in, looked tacky. She was crying and throwing herself at her mother in a tantrum, screaming in polish all this crazy shit. She ripped the bottom of the dress and ultimately had to buy a dress from David's bridal because my boss finally got smart and kicked her out. Just a mess. She made our seamstress cry!!!!!"

"Oh I work as a wedding server, awesome job I love it. As soon as someone says bridezilla this one story where the manager of our hotel had to shut down the wedding halfway through comes to mind. This was the bridezilla of all the bridezillas I've ever seen.
There were a lot of little things leading up that were casual bridezilla until the wedding took a sharp turn. At one point she accused the wedding server staff of stealing her veil... then the manager found it in her room and also showed her the card swipes to her room proving only she had been in the room that day.
About 20 minutes later she was screaming at some poor front desk employee accusing her of stealing her wedding boots. Manager intervened and after a long talk the photographer told them he had a photo of the boots on the staircase of the church, and asked if she had worn them since... when she said no she told our place it was our job to have picked them up and made sure she had them (the church was not related to our place at all).
THEN shortly after she started opening the wedding gifts frantically inside the ballroom and screaming at anyone and everyone, guests included, saying someone stole her wedding certificate.
After that , our manager gathered the wedding staff and told us to take off our uniform jackets, Empty them in front of him, then to clock out and go home. Which we all did, none of us stole anything , and we heard next day the maid of honor had the certificate and after we left the wedding was shut down completely. Room left as is for the bride to come back to in the morning."

"I work at a hotel that does a huge amount of wedding business, and we had an engagement shower with the plan being that the couple would be having the wedding with us as well. This involved the bride-to-be and to an extent, her mother.
Anyways, we knew there were going to be issues because neither the bride or groom ever smiled. She was always complaining about how he was "wishy-washy" with picking a date and he was always silent. The MOB was your stereotypical Brooklyn Jewish Mother and had her hand in EVERYTHING to make sure things were perfect for her little princess. (My experience has shown that the MOB/MOG are exponentially worse than the actual people getting married.)
Well, the engagement party starts, and everyone, except for the couple, seem to be having a great time. Then, halfway through the party, we suddenly heard the girl scream at her fiancee "WE WILL NEVER HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE IN MY HOUSE, SO YOU CAN GET OVER IT!!!!"
And from there it devolved into a shouting match between the couple, who moved from the banquet room to the lobby so their "guests" couldn't hear the argument. (Didn't work. They heard everything.)
Apparently she was Jewish and he was Protestant and not once in their relationship had they discussed religion. They went at it on and off for two hours. She was screaming at the top of her lungs about how their (non-existent) children would be raised Jewish, and how his traditions didn't matter. Her mother standing at her side and nodding in agreement and interjecting occasionally with a "that's right" or "you tell him".
He was pleading (in a good attempt to be quiet, but was obviously frustrated) for her to at least compromise to let him at least invite his pastor from his home town for the wedding, and that their (non-existent) children could possibly do things with his parents for Christmas, even if they didn't celebrate.
The guests just kept partying, pretending nothing was happening, but you could see on all of their faces that they wanted to leave, but couldn't since they would have to pass by the couple to get to the only exit.
Only after two hours and the argument eventually devolving in to her INSISTING her children would never see a Christmas tree in their whole lives so they wouldn't be confused (good luck with that one in this country, lady) the groom finally, dejectedly said "Well then maybe this isn't going to work."
She threw her ring at him and said, (I swear to god) "THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU LET ME MAKE YOU PROPOSE?!?!?!?!?!?!" She then changed her mind, picked up the ring and said "Whatever. I'm keeping this." and stormed off. Her mother looked at her ex-potential-son-in-law, told him he was an idiot for letting her baby go, and went after her.
I've NEVER seen a banquet room clear of people so fast. Within fifteen minutes, everyone was gone, and it was a ghost town, and from the looks of it, everyone took their "Gifts" with them.
Worse still, it was the former-bride's family who had hosted and were staying at the hotel, so we spend the next two days "commiserating" with them about how awful the groom was as they moved their daughter out of his apartment.
Dude dodged a bullet."

"Baker here. I wasn't present for the freak out, but it was my fault so...
A few months back, I had a bride who wanted a Navy to white ombre cake (something like this ) made with white sponge. Now, dark, rich colors like that in white cake fucking suck. they always taste terrible because they have so much gel coloring in them to get them right. However, you can do it, if they're willing to have the dark layers be chocolate. Navy is especially easy, thanks to blue velvet. I tell her this when we're planning. "But I want white cake!" I tell her I'll do all but the last few in white sponge. She agrees, and I make the damn thing and drop it off.
I come back to pick up the staging stuff the next day, only to find my whole fucking cake sitting there.
Apparently when they cut into the thing and fed it to each other, she freaked out over it being chocolate, and refused to let any of the cake be served. Apparently she forgot that she had agreed to have the bottom tier have two layers of blue velvet, so she threw a massive fucking temper tantrum over 'the cake being wrong' and how I ruined her wedding, then locked herself in the bridal suite. if she wouldn't have been a little psychopath and let the staff cut the cake like they should have, she would've seen that 90% of the cake was white sponge like she wanted."

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Restaurants That Refuse To Use Plates

When we go out to eat we expect our food to be served on a plate or at least in a plastic basket covered with wax paper. If it's a sandwich or a burger, I'll settle for it being wrapped up in some paper. Sometimes restaurants try to get fancy and serve their meals on cutting boards or sometimes they're just trying to be pretentious. (Keep in mind it can be dangerous to have your food served on wood as it can harbor bacteria if not sealed and cleaned properly.)

Here are some places that go over the top with how they serve their food.

Did you run out of plates? Don't worry, there is some leftover stationary in the back, just serve it on cardstock. a cigar box...the cigar place next door just went out of business.

Here's that side of sauce you asked a light bulb.

Oh, we also serve our smoothies in a light bulb. It's how we recycle our old bulbs.

We let our bacon drip dry on this clothesline.

Yes, I'd love a burnt log between my food and my plate...

Here's your burger on a tree stump.

I love bits of wood in my nachos!

Why? Why would you serve anything in a shoe let alone Crocs?

Here are your chili fries. Yes, that's a shovel.

Coffee can cake...on wood.

It's literally served in a kitchen sink.

Sure, just serve my drink in your old rusted soup can.

We used to be a candy store now we use the scoops to serve our food. 

Hey boss, the recycling was never picked up...That's ok just serve the food on the old newspapers. 

Oh, we had some left over tile from the remodel.

A f**king wheel barrel?


Wednesday, February 7, 2018

10 of The Most Ridiculous Products on Amazon

When I was in college, before Amazon was well known, I used to browse the "Weird Stuff" category on Ebay...back then it was still hip. You'd find some pretty crazy stuff. I once came across a possessed spirit in a glass jar. It had a very convincing story and basically said, you'll die if you open this jar.

These things aren't quite that odd but it's still pretty funny that they're available for purchase.

The Yodeling Pickle...which based on it's description provides hours of entertainment.

Instant Underpants...if you can wear them when they're wet, otherwise you'll have to wait for them to dry.

The Handi-Corn...a Unicorn for your hands's literally an empty package. The is like the joke about opening a Restaurant called "I Don't Care" so when you ask your wife or girlfriend where she would like to eat and she responds with "I Don't Care", you can take her there.

Unicorn Meat..."Magic in Bite". I wonder if it will make you fart rainbows? ...spoiler alert, it's not actually meat.

 The "Nap Sack"...take a nap anywhere at anytime. Or use it for kidnapping someone. 

Duck Money Soap - This one is kinda cool since it could be a $50 bill so it's like gambling, but it's still weird.

The Cute Tiger Useless Machine - You flip a switch and a tiger pops up and turns the switch off. It's a machine in which its only function is to turn itself off.

Donald Trump Toilet Paper...wipe your butt with President Trump

You can also buy a roll with his tweets

Dry Brew Coffee's like nicotine gum but coffee.

Comment below if you've come across any more ridiculous products on Amazon. 

And Here's a Shameless YouTube Video Plug